The journey
It was November 5th 2014 a day that I will never forget. Sitting in the pulmonologists office after an abundance of testing over five weeks to find out exactly what was wrong with me and what these spots on my lungs meant. Finally, hearing the dreaded words: It is CANCER. Then even worse than that; it's stage IV. Until that moment I did not really know that it could be worse. I never knew what those numbers meant before or had taken the time to find out, but somehow I did know that there isn't a stage V. That really sucks and this can't be happening to me!Treatment
Chemotherapy started and it was just downright horrible; a nightmare of a way to go. If I must go I'd rather not spend my last days sprawled out on the bathroom floor or so sick in bed that I wished I could move to get up to go to the bathroom floor... Darned cancer, it's full intent is to strip one's dignity along with your energy and enthusiasm. And if that doesn't take you out just wait until your treatment gets a hold of you!EGFR positive.. what?
Somehow I survived my first round of chemo and found myself bright eyed and bushy tailed sitting in the oncologists office 3 weeks later begging for more of the poison that I hated so much. To my surprise I had passed the genetics test that showed I had a rare form of lung cancer mutation called EGFR positive and qualified for a Targeted Therapy Treatment. Ah, no more infusions for the time being, THANK GOD! I was told to go home and take my new chemotherapy in the form of a pill called Tarceva. Tarwhatta?? Take it everyday no matter what and be happy... I should have been suspicious when I looked up and read the details of the EGFR mutation. It stands for Epidermal Growth Factor Receptor, the key word here being EPIDERMAL! Ha! Reminds me of the joke from elementary school when we first learned about having epidermis. Remember? We'd tell people that their epidermis was showing? It's not so funny now. My epidermis hurts!Special Effects (as we call it in Tarcevaland )
Happy was not so easy... It made me nauseous, it made everything I ate go straight through me, I ached, I was fatigued and it made nearly my whole body break out in the most hideous rash that I have ever seen! And dang it, that itchy rash was in the mirror starring back at me! My skin became so dry that it would crack and bleed along with my fingers and feet. I've never applied so much moisturizer! (hence the Epidermal part of the mutation)Months passed and the horrible rash toned down to just nasty rash. I got the skin splits under control for the most part with constant applications of coconut oil. My hair thinned in some places more than others and I was a little sad when I realized how limp and lifeless it had become. Most people on this drug lose some hair, but not usually all and I was thankful for that. I kept hearing stories, but kept believing them to be rumors of new hair growth that will resemble a brillo pad. I couldn't grasp what was meant by this and no one talking about it was showing any pictures. Imagine that? ! Around my 7th month just as promised I became severely (and grossly) aware of the "unusual" hair growth, which is what all of the pharmaceutical material called it. Very unusual, yes! I now understand the brillo pad description and will NOT describe it to you. It's not just the hair on my head that grows strangely though. My eyelashes now have to be trimmed regularly so that they don't touch my glasses. I'm using waxing products on my face that I've never had to use before and the hair on my arms is very.. different. Oh, well.. just another regime to add to my daily "to do list." Take 200 pills, trim and brush eyelashes, wear head band to cover hair loss and lather on body lotion 10 times a day. Okay, I've got this..
How could I be happy?? I don't even know if this medicine is working. Nonetheless, I woke up and took my pill everyday, I lathered antibiotic creams on my rashy face, took antibiotic pills for my rash and then took more pills for the nausea and for the digestive issues.. Anymore pills ya want me to take?? Well, yes there's a few more. My tumors are positioned on nerves and causing terrible chest pains radiating through out my upper body. I'll take more pills for that.. thank-you, thanks a lot..
The Fight is On
As time went on I became used to the regime and all that it included. It wasn't my idea of a "happy" life, but it most definitely is LIFE! Within six months the tumors were reduced to mm size and there was no cancer activity; the targeted therapy is working! (I'll keep taking that pill!)I learned quickly what the phrase "Fighting the battle" really means. The battle is many things and the fight is dealing with them everyday. Sometimes fighting the battle means that you roll over in bed and go back to sleep and deal with the battle tomorrow.. Sometimes the battle is raging inside of me. Sometimes it's everything on the outside and the fact that it all looks different today and it won't ever be the same for me. Living with a terminal disease is something I never expected. One thing I know for sure though; the fight is on!
