Throne Room

When I found myself up and awake before daylight this morning, I didn't think much about it, not that unusual. When I began listening to one of my worship playlist, didn't think much about it; not unusual.. when something in the music inspired me to reach for the book I've been reading instead of drifting back into dreamland I thought, well now, there may be something going on here.
I love it when God wants to talk! I'm all over that, any time of day, any subject or location. He's got my attention, my heart, every thought. I gather close my pen and notebooks, my Bible, my reference devices, all of it at my





fingertips so I don't miss a thing. He may tell me something, but I'm the one who has to have the ears to hear. My uncultivated ears don't always catch the depth of where He is coming from. The word of God is deep, it's layered, there's colors and shapes, there are words that possess meanings that He intends for me to find. These meanings tell me what He's really thinking; they confirm for me the things I thought that scripture was speaking directly to me. They open my eyes, my ears, my senses to know Him more, to feel His 
great love for me, to express my love for Him.

Ah, and right there, how it all brings me to this breath takingly awesome moment with my beautiful Jesus as He allows me to 
seeHim; glimpses of beauty and radiance, faithfulness and purity, 

holiness and love.. I can't get enough; I need more, want more, giveeverything for just another glimpse of His glory. Will you go 
there with me? Forget everything else and just look up toward the 
heavens, find the face of our savior Jesus Christ and let Him speak to your heart? Today, He took me to Revelations  chapters 4-9, He spoke to me about throne room worship, He 
stirred my heart to want to be there, to join with the angels, the elders, living creatures and just gaze upon Him with the Father receiving the praises, all the glory that they deserve..  already my heart burns to be counted there, it was more that He invited me to come.. offered His hand to lead me there. Oh, I'm going there.. I lift my hands, I lift my heart, I gaze with my eyes, strain with my ears and thirst with every cell within me.. I'm coming Lord, I'm on my way.. your beauty beckons me..


Revelation 4
:8 "The four living creatures, each having six wings, were full of 
eyes around and within. And they do not rest day or night, saying:











                                                 "Holy, holy, holy,
                                                              Lord God Almighty,
                                                    Who was and is and is to come:10 "the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who sits on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever, cast their crowns before the throne, saying:

:11                              "You are worthy, O Lord,              
  
                            To receive glory and honor and power:

                                                   For You created all things.
                                          And by Your will they exist and were 
created"

Are you with me, can you envision this wonderous scene, this very real event taking place at this very moment just as it was 2,000 years ago when John visited and recorded his encounter? Can you let yourself be swept away in worship, in pure loving adoration for the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit?

I spent hours today just right there, I wrote pages upon pages, 
underlined nearly the entire chapters of  Revelation 4-9   as I read over and over, going deep into the references that lead me to many other chapters throughout my Bible and of course many more written pages of notes and lines and lines of underlining beautiful words that are breathing life into my very soul, watering and raising up armies
of healed cells that have the ability to conquer evil dying cancer 



cells.. (wow, I have no glue where that just came from! This honestly doesn't have anything to do with me and everything to do with Him! But,if He chooses to include healing today, I am on board!

Bare with me once more if you will, I'm not taking you on the full 
journey, but I really want you to See this too if you will:

Revelation 5:11  "Then I looked and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne, the living creatures , and the elders: and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands,  :12 saying with a loud voice;


                                "Worthy is the lamb who was slain,
                                                     To receive power and riches and wisdom
                                               And strength and honor and glory and blessing!"

:13 "And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth andunder the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying:

                          "Blessing and honor and glory and power,
                                  Be to Him, who sits on the throne,
                                                  And to the lamb, forever and ever!"


:14 "Then the four living creatures. Said, Amen! And the twenty four elders fell down and     worshipped Him who lives forever and ever. "


I hope you enjoyed that even half as much as I did, it was 
wonderful.. it excites me so to know that day and night the throne room is active with worship and burning adoration for God. I long to be there, but also feel that that I have a pretty sgood seat at this time and take every opportunity to let
myself be found on my face worshipping or standing with outstretched hands towards heaven calling out,
            Holy, holy, holy...

As tired as I was this evening, especially since I hadn't slept much last night, I crawled into bed and leaving the light on quickly dozed off into dreamland. In my mind I wanted to find music to listen to 
and easily could have clicked on one of my playlists, but sleepily I struggled for about an hour with my phone to no avail. Finally, something stirred me and I remembered an online book that I had 
been listening to so  I got to YouTube and scrolled through. I tend to do things in a half sleep state these days for whatever reason.


 There was a new video there that happened to say, Throne Room Worship! No way, right! Yes, Way! It couldn't be a coincidence, just couldn't be. I believe that my research into the throne room, this groups song and video for throne room worship, many others 
saying the same thing is a predestined place in history for Gods church, Gods people. He is inviting us into this realm, this place, a beautiful heavenly and even angelic visitation. Do we dare answer, do we dare not?
We were created to worship, shall we dance with the King of kings? Me first!


Enjoy this beautiful video, this truly excited people who are showing the world of their love and desire to be caught up in the throne room! That's where I long to be found!



Hugs,
Joann

                    Throne Room Worship

Well done, brothers and sisters, just lovely!!

Ain't No Grave!

A couple of weeks ago, my daughters and I had a rather terrifying meeting with my oncologist. In our hopes of having him give us the information of his plan in action due to the new PET scan results, we found something very disturbing. He has had me waiting on a clinical trial since October; waiting with no communication other than testing dates and locations from staff. In my attempts to deal with the worsening of pain and other symptoms I was failing at getting acrosss to them that things had changed and something needed to be done. Obviously an ongoing problem between doctor and patient, but it needs to stop. We depend on our medical staff to have our best interests in mind and fighting for us, hoping for the best and always looking for the best treatment options, right?

I have studied diligently and continue to update myself and keep myself up to date, which I feel is very important when you're dealing with a severe chronic or terminal disease. I dig to find out what all those test results mean and what they mean for me. I ask a multitude of questions and take all that information in stride. It is truly amazing the difference in how each of those medical staff will answer your questions. Some are a wealth of info and helpful and some just see you as their very short lived patient that they may never see again and won't offer much. I really feel for people who cannot comprehend this new and transforming medical society and all the different treatments and protocols, very sad. They many times are solely depending on their doctors and nurses to do it all. Some are blessed and that's what happens, but I think I see way too many people on the social media pages asking and even begging for answers that they left that doctors office without. It makes my heart hurt.

In this particular meeting we were blindsided and had no idea about what my doctor felt until he was pushed for a plan to combat the increasing and ever growing tumors that have riddled my body and severely multiplied just since November according to this PET scan report! He doesn't see that there is ANY treatment that is going to work! Even the clinical trial that I don't qualify for because of the unstable condition of brain metastasis that has crept in.

BRAIN METASISIS

Due to an MRI that was part of the pre-qualification protocol for the trial, we learned in November that I had 10 brain tumors with one being large and in dangerous placement in my brain stem. There's no room for that kind of foreign entity there so any growth can cause serious issues. I was immediately put on hold for the trial and referred to radiation therapy.

December was full of simulations, tests and finally a one time high dose of pin point lasers delivering radiation to the exact placement of the tumors. And then there's those lovely side effects.. yuck, it was unpleasant though necessary, then the waiting.. of course.

I was totally unprepared for the results of the standard 30 day MRI: too quickly 7-8 more tumors had arrived (most likely already there but not large enough to be seen at the time of testing) and these received none of the radiation that had been lasered in. A
new plan had to be formulated, obviously the pin point technique was not going to stay ahead of the spreading going on. This calls for, you guessed it! More testing, more simulations, more uncomfortabl mask molds and Whole Brain Radiation...

In the meantime, these technical plans take time to formulate, it's hurry up and wait for weeks, but this team realizes that I'm dealing with so much more than just brain mets and order the colorful PET in question here. Seeing these results and then hearing of my new symptoms of numbness and tingling across my face, my lips, tongue, roof of mouth and down my right arm to my fingers, severe lung pain, muscle weakness and joint pain they expedite the treatment and get me started! Truly looking out for my best interest- thank you doc!

I'M NOT DYING!

In this meeting then with the original oncologist he is completely disconnected with what is going on. As my daughters push him for answers he raises his voice and lets them know that this is the circle of life, just how it is sometimes and there's always palliative care for me! These words are like splinters of hopelessness to me and completely unknown and foreign to these young women. Once we explained what this actually means I could see the realization of horror across their faces.. no one should ever be spoken to in that way and hear of a possible fate for their mom like that! Bad form doc.. I hope this to be an isolated case and not the norm for patients. I understand the beauty in palliative care when its time, but IT'S NOT MY TIME and I'M NOT DYING!! (and if I were, don't tell my children in that tone, please.)

Does it go without saying that we walked out of that meeting without an oncologist.. and I quickly declared to my girls that I was NOT DYING!

Heading to the parking deck I checked my phone and found a notification for YouTube.com and was overjoyed to see the very timely post from my church! Someone had my back, someone was listening and in tune.. that person had just in that short time posted a song from our anointed worship leaders that I needed to hear! I needed to declare and push way down in my spirit to take the place of those words of death and hopelessness! As soon as I was situated in my car I plugged my phone into my stereo, found the YouTube post and turned it wide open, played it over and over all the way home singing to the top of my HEALED LUNGS!! (It's HIS Breath, He breathed into us.. HE chooses when that comes to an end! No one else has that power, but we can foolishly give it over to them by becoming into agreement with their thoughts.) THEY don't KNOW MY GOD!!

 I HOPE YOU ENJOY!! 

AIN'T NO GRAVE!!


LOVE, JOY AND PEACE, In HIM!

JOANN